Dayna Martin: Radical Unschooling and the Partnership Paradigm

I recently had fun interviewing Dayna Martin (just before she and her family hit the ski slopes!). Dayna is an author, speaker, and advocate for natural childbirth, breastfeeding, attachment parenting, and radical unschooling and passion.

She wrote Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun. Tasora Books. (2009)

Her latest book (coming out soon) is a "coffee table book" for mindful parents looking for support on the unschooling journey. It's in the form of photos (her husband's) and her own, original quotes.

 True Freedom; inspiration for radical parents is the name of this book

This is her blog:
 http://thesparklingmartins.blogspot.com/

Dayna and her family are organizing the Life Rocks conference in New Hampshire this spring.

http://www.liferocksconference.com/

You can listen to her talk about radical unschooling and what it means to be in a 'partnership paradigm' as opposed to an 'authoritarian paradigm' when it comes to parenting.

Listen to the interview by clicking on the download button on the side bar or by clicking here:

http://radio4all.net/index.php/program/49024

Got swagger?

So I've been taking a hip hop class. It's part of my 'Have some YOU fun this year' campaign. Get outside your comfort zone. Learn something new.

I'm 40 something, and there I am with a bunch of kids half my age. Thank goodness my 12 year old decided to join me-moral support! (she's the youngest).

I'm trying to do this thing-I like the moves, the energy, the beat that go with hip hop style. I listen to the words of some of the the tunes the instructor is playing and when I get home and watch the videos that accompany the music I realize what makes hip hop what it is.

In one word-swagger.

At least, that's what they talk about and act out in all the songs.

But what exactly is this swagger thing about? I wonder.



The word was first recorded in 1590, used by Puck in Shakespeare ("Midsummer Night's Dream," III.i.79):

What hempen homespuns have we swagg'ring here,
So near the cradle of the Fairy Queen?
What, a play toward! I'll be the auditor;
An actor too perhaps, if I see cause.

 Definitions:

To walk or behave in an arrogant manner. To brag loudly. To force, influence etc, by blustering, arrogant gait, conduct, or manner.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/swagger

How can a 40 something like me get swagger if I've never had it in the first place? I mean, I don't boast. I am not arrogant. I am not 'the one,' 'the best.' I don't think of myself as too-hot- to-handle.

But to do this dance right you have to put yourself in that mental state. And I just...don't.

My kid says to me, "Hold yourself like this," (sticks out her chest). "Stiffen your fingers, so. Jut out your chin, thus."

Why bother? I should just give up.

But something keeps me going back for more. Swagger compels me. I'm sensing that I've missed out on something here-something really important and somehow I think a dose of 'I'm the best' to my attitude would do me some good.

Something to do with a confidence boast-might rub off in other areas of my life. There really is something intriguing about people who are really good at something and know it and aren't afraid to show it. Okay loose the arrogance but bring on these (another angle that swagger entails and that I think I could go with):

Poised, sassiness that can't be touched. It may be in the walk or it may be in the talk, but there is no doubt it means you own the room and you have that natural charisma.

I could do with poised; and I'm getting the feeling that hip hop could help liberate my inner sassy.

Now look at this:

To move with confidence, sophistication and to be cool.
Swagger is to conduct your self in a way that would automatically earn respect

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=swagger

And finally, I fell on a site that gave a true definition of swagger that I can live with-ironically advertising mens suits.
 Swagger:

1. How one presents himself to the world, the ability to handle a situation with a sense of calm and uncanny grace. The ability to maintain a healthy level of self-confidence without appearing arrogant.
2. The seeming effortlessness to a person's admired style, the way they walk, talk and dress.
3. The inability to be easily shaken by anyone or anything.

http://www.wear-mens-suits-with-swagger.com/definition-of-swagger.html -

 I like it.

Collaboration in learning

Much good can be achieved of peers learning together; bouncing ideas off each other. Healthy competition and collaboration is stimulating.

One kid sees what the other kid is doing and wants to do the same.
Another kid wants to be a part of what is going on.

The key to success is that the kids all be interested in the same topic and they have arrived at the group without coercion but with willingness and eagerness to be there.

Now in the case of Sugata Mitra's experiments, he reiterates that once he has introduced the computer to the village kids,he then leaves the kids alone. He goes away for months at a time.
http://radiofreeschool.blogspot.com/2011/01/where-teachers-wont-go.html
There is a challenge set; sometimes there is no challenge at all but the challenge of discovery that the kids set themselves.

The main thing is that the kids are left to explore. In this scenario, a kid who has a little more knowledge than another shares what they know. Together, the kids learn naturally by exploring, trying out, playing- no adults directing the process.

They've been given something intriguing. They can do it on their own.

In the John Seely Brown case studies, Maui kids got together with a common ambition; to become the world's best surfacers.
http://www.johnseelybrown.com/ncstate09.html

In Seely-Brown's Commencement Speech (given at North Carolina State University), he tells the story of Dusty Payne and his six or so kids "came together to fiercely compete but also to continuously learn from each other."
The story goes,

These kids would gather in Dusty’s living room and pour over YouTube videos and their own videos of themselves experimenting – trying impossible moves, failing, failing, failing but never getting discouraged. As a group they learned, they invented, they created new aerial moves that defy the imagination... And, as we would say in business lingo, they also studied adjacent domains such as skate boarding, snowboarding, motor cross and then built analogies from them, talked them over, analyzed them to death and then dashed down to the surf to try them out. 

Maui is now the center of this kind of extreme surfing. No, not the north shore of Oahu, but Maui – the island never known for producing a champion surfer. And all this because Dusty and his buddies decided they could do the impossible and they pushed each other and learned with and from each other to the extreme. These kids have mastered the art of innovation.

So the ideal learning situation for many is to find like minded people to share your interests. I don't think this means that participants have to all be the same age- although that is a good motivating factor.

Take a look around your community and see what's cooking and get involved.

Start your own group if there isn't one. ; put out a call in the local papers or community centre or library or --yes, school.

Don't forget the online community. This is a wonderful place to share and collaborate on projects.
I welcome your comments!

Chinese moms could use a healthy helping of unschooling. And maybe study the Urhu too.

Seriously, this is coming from a place of compassion for these mothers, because I've been there.
I'm referring to the recent article by Amy Chua, Why Chinese Mothers are Superior, which is causing a sensation around the internet due to the author's positing, to Western minds at least, brutal child rearing techniques-Chinese mom style.

I sympathize with the author because although I'm not a Chinese mom, I do have those tendencies.

I'm the first to admit that when my kids were little I tried many times to force them to practice their instruments-using bribery and threats.

Honestly, I'm betting we all feel like forcing our kids to do stuff they don't want to; "Just shut up and do what I tell you to do you."

But if you truly hold with this model then for heavens sake, give the job to someone else to do.

Like the teacher or the benefactor, or the mentor. Not the parent.  Never the parent. There is far too much at stake when a parent takes on that role.

What saved me (and my kids)? Unschooling.

I still struggle with the urge to impose my values, but I am reigned in by a stronger belief- that every person should own their life.

Supporting your child, helping them to not 'give up' when the going gets tough,as Chua says- and denigrates Western parents who she thinks quit too easily- is one thing. Forcing them to follow YOUR (the parent's) interests and values, (for their own good,naturally) is another.

If as Chua states, this is is how to raise 'successful' children then I would suggest we redefine what success means: and on whose terms.

Many people have pointed out (in response to this article) that as an ethnic group, Chinese women have a disproportionately high suicide rates:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/05/16/asian.suicides/index.html

Tragically, it could be that these young women have given up hope- sorry. Their mothers' hope. What could be worse than enslavement?

Chua concludes:

Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment.
 By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

Ironically, while I agree that for the most part "Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging their true passions," they don't go far enough. Schooling gets in the way.

While I'm with Chua (and other Chinese moms) that the best way to protect children is by "preparing them for the future.. and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence," we part ways when it comes down to the methods.


And for the most part, as far as I can see, good parents, Chinese or Western want the best for their child; but both Chinese and Western parents still want their definition of what is best for that child.

Urgent!

A few posts ago, I referred to an article in the January 2011 issue of The Writer magazine, called The Love of a Good Story, with Lisa Cron, story consultant and agent.

Cron talked about the need for urgency in a novel; that when you read a novel,if there is no sense of urgency then you aren't likely to want to continue to read it.

I'd like to propose that similar to a sense of urgency within a story line compelling readers to continue reading the novel, why shouldn't we expect that same sense of urgency when it comes to learning and educating?

Learning as exciting; learning as being urgent. The sense of urgency as a good thing, a desirable and motivating aspect present when the learner is pursuing something that interests him or her. Something to keep our eyes open for.

Contrary to popular belief, even when what kids are interested in is 'hard' or 'difficult,' they want to learn and understand it because it is worth it to them.

If there is no sense of urgency to what we are engaged in; if there is no sense of wanting to know more, do more, than obviously the thing is not for us (at this moment in time at least. Maybe it will be later on in life).

I can't understand the point in making people study things they are not interested in. Why waste their time; their lives?

One of the reason why we put up with 'learning' and doing stuff we don't want to do, and making kids learn things they don't want to, is because we think we/they have all the time in the world. We don't.
We act as if we are immortal. We aren't.

I keep asking myself the question, "Whose life is it, anyway?"

where teachers won't go...

A response to a response about 'well roundedness.'

I felt compelled to respond to this comment from a facebook member referring to Kate Fridkis's interview (previous post).

Christopher Nicholls wrote:

"I don't understand what the issue is with an extensive, 'generalist' education...

First of all, nobody is saying there is something wrong with an "extensive, generalist" education if that is what interests you, the learner. But why should it be the case for everybody?

If someone doesn't care a fig about medieval history, why should they be made to study it? I think what Kate is arguing is that to pursue well roundedness as a goal will leave you a 'jack of all trades and a master of none' -in most cases. Something that leaves people feeling inadequate- and wishing that they were really good at something.

The whole emphasis of school needs to be revised so that it removes that weird notion that schools have developed, in claiming that they prepare kids for their careers by training them in skills and giving them 'tools' for getting jobs.

I think this is altogether wrong - schools should be about firing up imagination, creativity, curiosity, and all those good things which make the kinds of human beings that try to understand, to learn more and to be assertive in their world - those who explore knowledge and those where ignorance is not a factor.

My question to Chris;-in your opinion, what do schools do if not to prepare kids for their careers, and if they don't fire up creativity and imagination?

As long as school is compulsory, the noble dream of it (school) being a vehicle to promote "imagination, creativity and all those good things" will likely fail. When a person is made to do something because someone else thinks it will make them a better person- it's the wrong approach. People end up resenting this approach in the long run.

Note that there's plenty of balance and generalism in that, and yet there's potentially specialisation too as the children start moving down tracks of interest. Each track opening out into and onto more areas.

Somehow, I've been a generalist all my life and it has been such a great experience. I'm still doing it too! I know heaps of things about a lot of things - from botany to mechanical; repairs. From cooking to renewable energy... It's amazing how important some things become when you are focusing on your career and you are able to pull into play all sorts of knowledge and skills learned from a more general approach.
'Well rounded' is fine by me..."

It sounds to me that you are a person who loves learning and who is going after what you're interested in. That is the whole point of what we are talking about. By following what you are interested in you have become well-rounded. So you see, we actually don't have a quarrel after all. Grin!