Doing Nothing

Growing up in my family, we were not allowed to 'do nothing.'

What did that mean? Doing nothing usually meant you were not doing worthwhile things- 'worthwhile' of course, meaning what my mother thought was constructive and valuable. 

Say for instance we were lounging around reading a novel (okay- a Harlequin Romance to be honest. It was exams and not having a TV. this was a way to release stress). 

My mother would say, "Stop your leisure reading and come help with the cooking/changing the baby's diaper/ hanging the wash/ sweeping the floor." 

Today, people are happy if their kids are 'reading' at all. Even Facebook looks good! 

After school, we had to go straight to my mum's tailor workshop and help with the sewing until supper time. 

My sister nicknamed my mum the Colonialist-she worked everyone around her hard: us, those in her employ, and most of all herself.

But we hardly complained. Why? Because in fairness to my mum, there was always so much to do. The work had to be done; our mother needed our help. There was no question about it, she couldn't do without us.

When I grew up and had kids of my own, I found out that I had very much, the same position as my mum. Correction. I have the same position. It's really difficult for me to see my daughter watching ANTM for hours on end. She should be up and about- exercising, gardening, practicing violin, helping around the house and so on and so on. She should not be 'wasting her time.'

I have had to train myself- who am I kidding? I'm still in training- to recognize the value in 'doing nothing.'

First of all, I have to remind myself that what might seem useless to me could be valuable -especially to her. 

And though it might seem like nothing will ever come of that interest, there might be ingredients to a fulfilling career/pre-occupation lying in wait that will emerge in the long run.
Even if nothing 'obvious' comes of it, whose life is it anyway? 

Who am I to judge what is valuable and what is not?

There's the 'wasting time' side of things and there's the really 'doing nothing,' as in gazing off into space doing nothing.
Or sitting by the lake, staring into the water. Or meditation.Call it resting your mind. Doing less creates space in which to do more, better.

Sound strange? Not really. Think about it. When your mind is teaming with information, constant chatter, and 'to do lists,' there is no room in there for anything with depth to take hold. Emptying the mind, stilling your thoughts helps you centre and focus.

When it comes to kids, author and scientist, Joseph Pearce of the Magical Child explained that kids will often go off into wide- eyed nothingness; where little appears to be going on to the onlooker. In reality this is where the connections are taking place in the brain and we do well to leave them alone.Interrupting them to bring them to attention could mean developmentally, a lost opportunity to them.

Did you know?
Britain has produced a range of remarkably gifted multidisciplinary scientists and scholars who are sometimes described as polymaths. The group included, in recent times, Bertrand Russell, A. N. Whitehead, J. B. S. Haldane, J. D. Bernal, and Jacob Bronowski. Russell commented that the development of such gifted individuals required a childhood period in which there was little or no pressure for conformity, a time in which the child could develop and pursue his or her own interests no matter how unusual or bizzare. Because of the strong pressures for social conformity both by the government and by peer groups in the United States -- and even more so in the Soviet Union, Japan, and the People's Republic of China -- I think that such countries are producing proportionately fewer polymaths ....
- Carl Sagan, The Dragons of Eden (Ballantine, 1977)

She Uses School (My daughter, the Iconoclast).

Photo by Maddie 

While school uses most people (wasting their time with things they don't care about), my daughter uses school.
Let me explain. To my daughter, the school is a stage; an arena in which her drive to challenge the status quo plays out. Literally, she goes to school in order to test her ideas. She goes to school to pit her thoughts  against the 'the unexamined norm.'
In truth, she is the perfect student; any teacher should love such a student in their midst to stimulate discussion and challenge established traditions- and they do until it goes against their own believes.
At which point she is a rebel rouser. A nuisance. "Why doesn't she shut up already?" some think and many students say.
Who really wants an iconoclastic, sharp-minded 16 year old laying out cherished believes over the coal rack?
Frankly, it's uncomfortable.

She argues, judges, defends. A topic is presented; she -always the justice seeker- takes it to it's logical conclusion.
She brings up prickly or controversial issues- prostitution rights, gay rights, democratic process and the lack of it in obvious places.
Even what she wears, how she dresses is an exploratory act, or an act to make a statement on an issue. Grade 9 she was a boy. Grade 10 she painted her face- and I mean painted;-chess boards, dramatic masks, polka dots. Grade 11 she wears cabaret style dresses and lipstick.
She goes to school to create. She uses what is at her disposal to it's limits- video camera, editing equipment, paints, books. She has a vision- it might spark from her own take on what she is experiencing or reading, it might be introduced by the school or by the teacher. It might be an injustice she is experiencing (like when the school took the money she and her Anime Club fundraised for and withheld it because it was for an event that was not school sanctioned).
The classroom becomes a training field for the world of human rights activism, sometimes even a battle ground!
Often, she expands her education and knowledge of the world through reading news or listening to music on her ipod if the lesson is dull.
Thankfully she has co-op experience which brings her out of the silo that is school and into the world where she can bounce of her ideas within the adult world.
Her co-ops are both at newspapers and she gets the chance to write articles for the papers and interview people.
While she it is very intense being around my daughter because she is so intense as a person,she certainly forces people to question their ideals; "ideas not ideals" is a favorite saying of hers.
She has found a way to make school serve her purpose -which I think is a good thing. But I wonder how long will that last?

If it's the last thing I do

"If it's the last thing I do." We rarely hear that expression, do we? I wonder why not? Perhaps it's the stuff of stories. You know, the protagonist with a cause that come hell or high water, will fight for it to the death.
There's the 'bucket list' that is popular these days; places you have to go to before you turn to dust.
But that isn't quite the same is it?  It's not the same as contributing to something..grand. Okay, I'll admit that sounds so earnest.. so noble.
But when it comes down to it, as many things are with me these days, 'the last thing I do' is becoming an imperative saying for me to live by.
I mean it. If not now, then when?
I keep thinking to myself- I'll be walking along, or I'll be doing the dishes or whatever, and then it hits me like a block of wood to the head; I could die. I will die.  So what am I contributing to this world? What am I doing? What am I fighting for?  Big, scary questions maybe but they demand answering.
With equal weight, I am asking myself, what am I getting out of life? What wonders am I perceiving? What ideas are wowing me, moving me? Am I in touch with the mysteries that surround me?
If today were my last day on Earth, how would I be living it?

How to Unschool

A friend who has always thought of me as being crazy for willingly unschooling my kids asks me one day, "How do you do unschooling?"

Why the sudden interest? I'm curious.

"The school thing isn't going so well," she admits. "And, well, your kids seem to be turning out okay."(Thanks).

So how do you do this thing?

My response surprises her.

You don't.

You don't actively go about the house doing unschooling.

That's right. You don't do math, you don't write, you don't do history, you don't do philosophy, you don't do biology or French, or Latin, or painting.

Grandma and Baby

Except when you do. You do actively live. You do write, you do take French, you do science, you do study history. You do learn philosophy or geography.

You do these things with the same weight and value that you give doing sewing, or gardening, or watching  TV or Youtube, or hiking, or cooking, or staying in bed.

You give equal value to whatever it is you are doing. Whether it's listening to music or making music, watching the snow fall from the window or doing an experiment with the snow, working on a math problem or baking brownies.

One day, something takes precedence; something grabs your attention and hangs on and won't let go. Something (or some things) become your main concern and you become utterly and totally immersed in that thing. And then it all makes sense.

In order to be healthy, you have to be home.

"In order to be healthy, you have to be home."
That's what a lady in my eco-group meeting said the other day. She was referring to eating good food. 

Think about it: from preparing nutritious food to growing your own veggies, you have to be physically at home.
Even a smoothie requires a fair bit of time to make (you have to prep the fruit, clean the blender etc).  

And then if your goal is to be super healthy, you have to do it all over again, the next day.

I think of a friend I know. She makes her own bread, churns her own butter, makes stews and grows veggies. Here kids are gorgeous. She unschools too.
Of course with food, eating locally is better for people and the environment as well.

I started thinking about this 'staying close to home' idea in a larger context.

I thought about work and what commuting to work does on one's health.

Studies show that commuting actually stresses you out-ages you, wears you down. How can sitting in traffic, or even on the train every day for an hour or more be good for you?

People do need more time at home. When it comes to the typical kid, that means going to school, staying there all day long and then getting carted off to after school activities.

Where is the down time?

Unschooling obviously gives you the opportunity to be home. We get more time to hang out in pyjamas, cook and bake, read, sew, play. We get to go outside on hikes, walk around our neighbourhood.

We get to know our community well- the cool cafes, the best bookstores, the latest art show, the best places to volunteer, the funnest projects to get involved in.

Even working from home (although that has its own set of problems) can be healthy since you can wear comfortable clothes, break up the day with exercise, have some good food simmering on the stove, take a stretch and do something fun before going back at it. 

Staying close to home is grounding.
Comments welcome!