Six impossible ideas before breakfast

B says to me, "I like to imagine 6 impossible,wonderful ideas before breakfast. It's the perfect solution to keeping your imagination in shape."

I'm walking home with my daughter (age 12) and we are talking about how when you grow up, you have more or less tucked your imagination away for good.
Unless of course you've kept it in working condition because otherwise, it'll stiffens up like worn out bones if not exercised.

Compared to her my thoughts are usually frantic. How can I get the 6 times 6 tasks I have to do, done- impossibly- before breakfast?

The way I sometimes feel is like that poor miller's daughter in the old fairy tale, Rumpelstiltskin where she is forced to spin a room full of gold out of a bail of straw before the morning- or be executed.

And then I think of J.K. Rowling and her magical, fantastical, story and how she imagined all that and how wonderful it is and how we all love a person with imagination-when they've proved themselves of course (I'm being sarcastic).

"For instance," B continues, as we pass the candy store, " what if the snow was all pink and fluffy? And the sky opened up and showered down orange candy floss.
What if instead of cars we all got around on skateboard like devices that worked like cars? No wait! What if we went back to horse drawn carriages? I'll never let my imagination die."

I believe it.

But there are many ways that our imagination can be exercised. J.K said it best in her Harvard Speech

Though I personally will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense.Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

She said:

"We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already; we have the power to imagine better."

The capacity to put oneself in another's shoes is every bit as valuable, maybe even more crucial in this age of rapid change,  as imagining what is not.

The first thing to do is not do

The first thing to do is not do.

That is, it is better to avoid judging; better to seal up one's mouth than to allow words to come out that have -unknowingly-so much power to harm.

Thoughtless words. Opinions that are just that-opinions- have long lasting effects.

Pronouncements such as, "You are like this," "You are like that," "You are such and such," are damaging to the growing mind.
Slotting and categorizing kids before they have had a chance at trying their wings deviates them from following their own path.

I remember at a family event when one uncle said to his daughter who was dancing ballet with her cousin, she feeling beautiful and light and dainty along side her older and more experience cousin, "Never mind Katie. You are a soccer player." He turned to me to say, "Everyone has their talents."

Oh really? So you are the judge of talents, are you?
Well meaning though he was, he had already decided that his 3 year old wasn't cut out to be a dancer. As a good parent, he tried to console her where she needed no consolation at all; where she was happy in the moment and in what she was doing, being a dancer right now. Where now she might decide to never try dance again because "she isn't a dancer."

Time and time again I hear and see this destructive behavior that adults display with their own children. In my own family the oldest was the smartest- according to the parents. So of course that was her territory. The youngest was the good looking one but she longed to be considered smart instead.

It hurt the both of them- the oldest feeling ugly, the younger feeling dumb.

I remember an incident at university in the arts program. I was interested in focusing on sculpture. My art instructor taking a look at my work said to me, "You are a 2 D person. Painting and such." Excuse me?

This comment stayed with me so that I felt I had to prove that I was indeed a 3D person. What a waste of time!

So first thing of all- do no harm. After that half the battle is won.

Ours is to guard and protect those hidden treasures that are there and will come to the fore in time.
Our ugly thoughts, our doubts, our concerns have nothing to do with education and we should not let that get into the heads of our charges.

The best thing we can do for a child in our care is to help them to know and see their potential. Help them see that they are capable beings.

Parents, teachers and mentors  can support them but they themselves have what it takes to get to their goals.

(Photo by Maddie Kay)

10 Unschooling Mistakes You Want to Avoid

1.Comparing.

I believe that the root of all evil is comparison. When you find yourself about to do the "is my child keeping up?" or the "her child is better at piano then mine, and they're the same age," just stop. Don't do it.
When you look at another unschooling mum and back at yourself and feel that you fall short, don't go there.  Rather, allow her to inspire you; don't feel down.

2.Believing that everyone should agree with you.

This is the attitude of any newbie. I remember how militant  I was when I first became a vegetarian (I no longer am-a vegetarian).  I couldn't tolerate people who weren't. I must have been an insufferable 'know it all.' I know I certainly annoyed people. 

3. Getting offended/feeling hurt when people don't (agree with you).

The world owes you nothing. If someone tosses you a dubious look or expresses doubt in what you are doing-deal with it in a mature way.  Learn not to take yourself so seriously. Laugh.

4.If there really is a problem,  being afraid of admitting it.

Your kids are unruly, or they really don't seem to be 'getting it'-there might actually be an underlying cause for it. Or they don't seem to have any interests. Don't panic.You can still uphold your values and raise a child that is learning naturally. Get the support you need.

5. Expecting your kids to be best buddies and get along  all the time, just because they're unschooled.

They fight. They say they hate one another. That's okay. We can't choose our family but we sure as heck have to learn to get along. That's one advantage of unschooling. They HAVE to work it out because they spend so much time together.

6.Expecting your kids to become educated by osmosis.

This is magical thinking. They won't. You have to engage them. You have to make sure they get exposure to a wide range of activity.

7. Thinking that you are their one and all.

Share them.

8. Over-protectiveness.

Let them venture forth according to their strengths, age and ability.
Be sensitive to the needs of the changing and growing child.

9.Having to prove that unschooling works-especially in BIG ways.

Funnily enough-BIG gets redefined over and over and you realize that they are doing BIG things but not in the way you and others might have envisioned it. And remember, behind a shining star, there might be an even brighter star shining so be careful not to block that light because of your belief in the first.

10. Immediate evidence of 'learning' taking place.

Relax. You will be amazed at how what you angst-ed over last year is all but a distant memory this year. Learning unfolds-often with out us noticing.