Crazy things I've heard recently about education

I am starting to collect startling things I hear about the way people think when it comes to learning and education. Here are two examples of that..weirdness, for lack of a polite word.

"I am a strong believer in kids getting their education first..before pursuing their acting career."

This is an acting instructor who said this to me when I was searching for opportunities for my daughter to act. It's what she wants to do with all her heart and is ready to give it her all.
What did this instructor mean? She meant that pursuing acting- which includes reading works of drama and the historical context that they are set in, watching and critiquing films, learning communication and analytical skills, learning to speak publicly, and emote and convey feelings, is NOT education?

I think she equates receiving that piece of paper from a high school showing that you attended the school almost every day for 4 years straight, with getting you've got your education. Or did she mean pursue acting only once you've got your university or college degree? How 'educated' must you be before you can pursue your passion?

The other crazy thing I heard recently is this:

I don't want him to stay out of school. He might find something he is really interested in and not want to go back!!"

This was a parent saying this about his son who just finished high school and wants to do something else before spending another 2 to 4 years in an institution. He meant he might discover a passion- something that he might really get into and love and enjoy and that will consume his life because it thrills him so much. He might even make a living out of it. He might even help others through this interest. But -no. Oh no. He won't be 'educated.'

Unschooling and Marriage

Cathy Kramer

We are excited to share this post from guest Cathy Kramer over at http://borntolearnfreetolearn.blogspot.com/ Thanks so much Cathy for a thought provoking piece!
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When we officially started our unschooling journey over ten years ago, my son was five years old and my daughter was three years old.   We found a small group of friends that were either unschooling or homeschooling and for the most part practicing some sort of attachment parenting.  I felt free to not only discuss co-sleeping, extended nursing, and fears of parenting, but also to share my love for my husband.  For the next several years I continued to meet many moms that shared the same passions as me not only in our educational philosophies but also in our marriages.  Somewhere along the way though, things changed. 

One evening I dropped my two teenagers off to hang out with their homeschooling friends.  As I returned home ready for a date with my husband I said, “I have somehow become the odd mom in the group.”  I shared an experience that was becoming more regular for me when I dropped the kids off on the weekends or in the evenings with their friends.   My homeschooling friends made jokes about me hurrying back home to hang out with my husband.  At first it was fine when they made their jokes, but after a while, it started bothering me. Was something wrong with me?  Was it weird to want to have date nights with my husband rather than spending time with my mom friends who I saw frequently throughout the week?   For me, these little bits of time alone together were our time to invest back in each other since so many years had been devoted to the kids.  I suddenly felt like the outsider with my homeschooling friends, but in all honestly, I did want to run home to my husband.  Never having family close by to watch our kids for nights out alone, date nights had become something I looked forward to now that our kids didn’t need or want us watching over them constantly. 

When we started our unschooling journey I liked that the homeschooling parents we met seemed to enjoy each other’s company.  Now, I keep asking myself, “What happened?  Why are so many of our friends getting divorced or living in unhappy marriages?  How did so many of our unschooling friends lose track of each other?  Here are my thoughts:

1.  When unschooling, the kids often become everything.  We focus on their every need and at the end of the day, we are exhausted.   

2.  Unschoolers tend to do everything as a family.  This is one of the things that drew me to unschooling as my husband and I both loved including our kids in our daily activities.  This can be great except when one day your children are teens that need time away from the family.  You are then stuck trying to find things to talk to your spouse about.  

3.  This is something I never considered when we started unschooling because I had a very beautiful, picture perfect view in my mind of everything unschooling, but perhaps many marriages were never good from the start.  Perhaps the kids created a connection but as that connection changed, the marriage couldn’t hold things together.

4. Maybe as unschoolers we aren’t immune from the pitfalls of life.  I think as homeschoolers we often think we are protecting ourselves and our families from the cruel world.  Reality is there are unschooling teens who are depressed, unschooling teens that try drugs, and unschooling teens that have sex.  Also, there are unschooling parents that get divorced.  As different as we sometimes feel from mainstream society, we still feel the effects of living life.  

What can you do?  Well, I can only speak for myself.  I have been married for almost 24 years and I am still pretty happy with my guy.  Here are some things that have worked for us through the years.

1.  Hold hands often.  I remember times when the four of us would hold hands.  My husband would put each of the kids on the outside and the two of us in the middle.  Then he would tell the kids, “I want to hold Mommy’s hand today.”  (I still remember feeling a little giddy when he did that.)  We often touch our kids and forget that our spouse needs touch also. 

2.  Find pockets of time alone to talk or do whatever.  When our kids were young, we were always coming up with ways to find time alone.  My husband is someone that needs to talk without interruptions.  As an unschooling momma this was hard for me to do.  So, one thing we did for a while was wake up early on Saturday mornings and have coffee together before the kids woke up.  At other times I woke up and ate breakfast with my husband before he left for work. It was a short amount of time together, but worth it. 

 3.  IM, text, and email…… even if in the same house.  For as long as we have had internet, my husband and I have instant messaged each other throughout the day.  Often this is the only time to talk about issues since the kids are always around.  Sometimes we have even IM’d each other while in the same house.  It is a way to talk without interruptions and without the kids hearing every word.  Plus, a short text during the day is always a nice reminder that someone is thinking about you.  

4.   Be flexible.  Unschooling can bring numerous benefits to a family but in my opinion, you have to be open to changing and accepting new situations.  Don’t be afraid to change things up.  

What works for you?  What secrets can you share to remaining in a happy, healthy marriage while unschooling?  Also, what goes wrong?

Has unschooling interfered with your passion or does unschooling support your passion?

The other night I listened to Larry Smith's TED talk, Why you will fail to have a great career.

I rather enjoyed it. Larry talked about the key ingredient to having a great career which is no surprise- passion. He talked about people making excuses not to look for their passion; 

"Great careers are for people who are lucky, special, geniuses...

I would do this but, I am not weird. I am nice, normal and nice normal people don't have passion." 

He talked about people who hide behind excuses. Even when they find their passion, they still don't go after it:

 "I would pursue a great career but I value human relationships more than careers- I want to be a great friend, spouse, parent."

I thought about the passion we talk about in connection to unschooling. Does everyone who unschools have a passion? I don't know.

As to unschooling parents, mums, I have wondered about what happens to our own passions when we unschool.

Do we forget our dreams or does unschooling keep mummy's dream alive?

In my case, I was going to be a famous painter. I studied art. Then I had a baby. I didn't give up; I kept making art. But somewhere along the way, I stopped making art.

It wasn't  'human relations' that stopped me from pursuing my passion. It was simply that I lost interest. I lost the passion for art making. It just--fizzled away. I don't know why.

I found other interests as my daughter grew and I had 2 more babies. Interests you say? Larry answers, interest is not passion. "You come to me and say, "I have an interest.""

Larry responds, "I say, do you have a passion?"

"Passion is your greatest love, passion is the thing that will help you create the highest expression of your talent."

Larry continues, "Are you really going to go to your sweetheart and say, "Marry me. You are interesting." Passion is beyond interest. You need 20 interests and one of them might grab you and that's what passion is."

I found unschooling and I became passionate about that. Unschooling for the next 12 years became my life's interest.

My views on education, learning, child rearing, the world of employment, the way we run this world, the environment all came together with unschooling. My world-view was impacted because of unschooling.

I developed an interest in writing that has evolved into a passion. I can't do as much as I want to (or the kind I want to do) but that doesn't stop me. I am not saying what I am working on right now- that's my secret- but I'll say that my passion for writing has only grown.

I am also not sure if that will get me a 'great career.' Or even a good career. I am sure of my feeling fulfilled in my pursuit of doing what I want to do.

I've never been more certain.

My goal for my children is a great career- I encourage them to follow their passions.

What about you? Has unschooling interfered with your passion or does unschooling support your passion?

Do tell!

You are the cutting edge.

Unschooling.
Take a deep breath. You are the cutting edge.

You are a 'learning in freedom,' education activist. Yours are the sharpened knives cutting though the crap that conceals the truth about how learning happens and education is really acquired.

That truth? True learning is interest lead and passion based.
Education is not 'product,' that once you've 'got,' you've got it for good. The act of education is a never-ending process.
You know that there are many ways to live, to be.

You are travellers of the avant-grade. Few have ventured where you
go.

Take heart. You will emerge bringing trophies from your journey into the unknown.

Go bravely into this new world. As you go, you will find that your awareness to your surroundings increases your understanding.
Respect for life and self are enhanced.

A sixth sense for opportunity as well as for contribution steadily develop. Know that you will be forced to expand and to grow in all ways.
Your children will demand this of you. You will demand it of yourself.

This feels painful.

I haven't done much with other unschoolers or homeschoolers in the last little while- in the last few years to be honest.

My one unschooled kid has her own rhythm. She has many friends with whom she hangs out every weekend.

During the week, she's busy with whatever it is she is working on and of course she has a pile of classes she goes to- soccer, rock climbing, art. She's on Facebook every day with friends and all this seems to keep her content.

Still, I thought it would be good to check in with home based learners in our community- see what's going on.

What I've discovered is there is a fair number of homeschoolers out there organizing workshops, events and so on but the atmosphere I've encountered at some of these events is far from joyous.

Instead, I can't help noticing that there are a lot of anxious people doing this thing. They tend to be homeschoolers as opposed to unschoolers (very few unschoolers out there that I know of).

It feels painful. It feels grim and serious. So heavy. There's the feeling that 'we need to be the best.' 

Learning is not about being excited about something; it's about covered a unit. It's about showing off what we know. It's less about collaborative and supportive inquiry, more about competition and every kid to herself.

This is a disappointment to me. I was hoping for a meeting of adventurous minds. I hoped to encounter people who believe in learning for self-discovery and community contribution.

That's not what I'm seeing. I see a lot of tired, strained looking mothers out there. Very uninspiring.

I'm okay. I've got my few unschooling friends from the days when my older two were unschooled. 

But I worry about new people coming to unschooling. Who do they turn to? Where do they go?

As to those pained home educators, I suggest you take a walk around your city; relax, have a piece of cake, let those 'teaching moments' pass you by once in a while. It's all good.