Monday, February 20, 2012

Believe in them.

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 "The evolution of culture is ultimately determined by the amount of love, understanding and freedom experienced by its children ... Every abandonment, every betrayal, every hateful act towards children returns tenfold a few decades later upon the historical stage, while every empathic act that helps a child become what he or she wants to become, every expression of love toward children heals society and moves it in unexpected, wondrous new directions." ~ Lloyd deMause 

There's this study taking place in my city that is focused on teen mothers and their children's outcome.
'Born' is an exclusive analysis of 535,000 birth records across the entire province. It drills down into specific neighbourhoods and shows that those with low income and poor education suffer devastating effects when it comes to teen mothers, low-birth-weight babies and early prenatal care. In one article, 'Mothers too soon,' the author writes about the Sherman Avenue and Wentworth Street,

"It's a gritty stretch burdened with the weight of heavy industry, cheap housing and high rates of poverty.
It's also where one in seven babies delivered between 2006 and 2010 was born to a teen mom, one of the highest rates among all Ontario cities. 
During that period, nearly 100 of the 668 expectant moms living between Sherman and Wentworth who gave birth were teenage girls.
Across the bay, there's a small chunk in the northeast corner of Burlington, an upscale neighbourhood known as The Orchard where the average home value pushes $400,000.
There were 774 women in this neighbourhood who gave birth between 2006 and 2010.
Not a single one was a teenage girl...
Teen mother rates in Ontario are highest in places where incomes and education achievements are low and poverty levels are high, while low rates of teen mothers are closely tied to higher incomes, higher levels of educational achievement and lower poverty levels."

Often teen moms are children of teen mothers themselves- a vicious circle.
I'm not disputing the direct correlation between low income and poor education but I'd want to bring into the discussion 'self- education' which to me means gaining education that begins from a place of personal interest 
and passion, but also includes learning about yourself, and most of all valuing yourself.

What I found revealing in the article is what the young women had to say about their situation. So many of them 'wanted some one to love,' 'thought it would be fun,' 'weren't doing anything else anyway.'
There was a sense of deep neglect amongst these young people. It's not only the blatant lack of direction, it's the obvious lack of a sense of worth that I think stems from a lack of nurturing. 

Yes, you can love someone and be totally useless for them. 

I can't help thinking that, in spite of the poverty these women were raised in, their lives might have taken another, brighter turn if there had been even one person who took a genuine and consistent interest in them; someone who could show them their potential and help them to achieve it-someone who believed so strongly in the girl that that she in turn believes in herself. I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on this serious issue.



Monday, February 6, 2012

Your youth needs you.

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"You're lucky. You're kids are grown up. They don't need you anymore," my sister says to me as we sit on the floor playing with her 2 year old. My other sister agrees; her kids are 4, and 6 months.
Excuse me? My kids are 13, 14 and 16. They don't need me?
"Well they can do so much for themselves," they protest.
That's true but they can't do everything for themselves. It is a mistake to think that once they're out of diapers they can 'go make their own lunch'- so to speak.
A youth needs as much support as a young child. I would say- perhaps even more. They need you to be there for them if not always physically, definitely emotionally.
When they come home from wherever they've been, they want a pair of eyes to SEE them, a pair of ears to HEAR them if they want to vent or to share their joy.

A youth needs you to help them achieve the small steps along the path to reaching their goals. This is especially true of the unschooled youth. It's still up to you to help your youth find opportunities and also for you to do some hand-holding. This might mean doing things that we might see as easy but for the youth, quite daunting. For example it might mean making that appointment they're a feeling too nervous to do on their own. It might  mean taking them somewhere where they need to go. It might mean helping them raise funds for a project they are working on.

You need to be there for your youth both physically and emotionally and your youth needs to know this.