Plain Rude

I get the impression that to expect a child to act considerately, whether or not they are schooled or unschooled is becoming a thing of the past. Quite a few kids that are friends of my children are often impolite in that they don't acknowledge adults. They don't smile or show courtesy. I or my kids have to remind them to pick up after themselves.

And now I sound like a cranky old lady because maybe it is awkwardness on their part that drives this behavior; but I am really tired of badly behaved kids.

As to those unschoolers who think that since they are practicing 'radical unschooling,' their children should not have to be 'called on' if they are behaving rudely because that would mean conforming to society's expectations-my response is,"Why is conforming to good manners so bad?"

Not everything about conforming to society's expectations is wrong. There are many good things about conventional society-being respectful to and acknowledging the person who just fed you dinner, being one. Really, is that too much to ask?

The idea that you, as a the parent,  model good behavior and that is enough for the child to eventually learn good manners is a good one.

Children do learn from watching how people treat one another but I have also observed parents being extra polite- making up for their kids sucky behavior instead of calling them on it.
On the other hand, we parents don't have to go overboard to ensure politeness (the "what do you say? Say thank you," over and over).
So in my opinion, what is needed is a sensitivity to the situation. If you kid is developing her singing talent and practicing in a public library, then the thing to do is ask her to stop; explaining that she is disturbing people. If she doesn't stop- you can be sure she and you-will be thrown out. And rightly so. Common courtesy.